I came in when I was 17-18. Studied with an Elder with the intent of proving him wrong to get back at my psycho 'dub mom. At the time it made sense.
Thus started over two decades of service. I must say though, I have no regrets. I truly did it all. I listened when they said, can you do more? Cut back my schedule at work and served more. Moved to where the need was great. Realized I could do more if I made more per hour, so I started my own business on the side and built it up until I could quit my professional job. It was hard work, but I was making enough where I only had to work 1.5 days a week. This led to almost a decade of pioneering.
I was married during all this time. We became part of the 'inner circle' of the truly righteous although I didn't realize it at the time. I'm the easiest guy in the world to get along with but am also very bombastic and speak my mind. This made for an excellent public speaking abilities but led to several political battles. In this 'perfect society' my abilities were the kind that promote jealousy and envy. I became part of the two polarized political elements of society/congregation. The liberal and conservative. It seemed like hardly two meetings would go by where there wasn't some fight about what was or was not OK for the flock, or me, or my wife etc, my talks etc. Then came the gay circuit overseer. Ultra conservative, who empowered the Nazi's and the balance of power was shifted. It became insane. A witch-hunt ensued for any liberal that could be nailed for the simplest thing, not living in the territory, wife who didn't make the publisher average, meeting attendance. The axe fell again and again. Good sincere elders were being removed everywhere.( This really is the short version ) I had kids at this time and a lot of pressure and stress hit. I realized at this time that I had to do what everyone else was doing, look out for my family and me. It was also at this time while having very active children, that I'm happy to say I took an active role in raising, that I realized there are NO CHILDREN back where our insane meeting/reading schedule comes from. They tell us what we need to do to live and save our children at Armageddon while sitting in the box seats at the district convulsions. What a load of shi*! They have NO IDEA what it's like to raise a family in the real world. Or for that matter what 'worldly people' are like. It is so skewed and out of whack. I would really love to see some numbers about how many failed marriages, drug addiction, pedophile etc there is among the JW cult compared to the general population. There are more freaks and whacko's in the 'windowless compounds' than any other single place I have been since my fade. Out of left field I was accused of masterminding a complex apostate website. A brother came out from Bethel to investigate etc. I couldn't believe what was happening. It was a railroading. In the end I was exonerated. A friend of mine who had been aware of what was happening asked me if I had seen 'my website'? I said , "no". It was at that time I looked at 'apostate' information for the first time. It was compelling to say the least. I had been aware of the GLARING similarities between our organization and the Pharisee's condemned by Jesus. I always felt they were the conservatives ;-). I'm sure it was because I was in so deep that it took a while for me to see that the Pharisee syndrome and mind control came right down from the top. I resigned my position in the congregation. I read COConscience. Browsed the 'boards', websites etc. Now I'm fading. Have family in, but they are all passive aggressive freaks that either do nothing ( unless they are on some self righteous soap box ) or there are others that do a lot for the recognition. No one knows me here, I have no one to impress, So I can say here, I did what I did because I believed in Jesus & Jehovah. I always asked the question "what would Jesus do?" I have tried to live that way. I have no regrets now, mostly because I'm successful in business and have a nice future, come what may. I have no doubt that my decision to quit my job early in life and go into business on my own brought this about. So in my case, my speaking opportunities and work in field service ( perfect sales training ) has actually given me a good life. A life that would likely not have ever come in my previous professional position.
I feel I know who Jesus is and what he would have me do in most situations. If I'm wrong, I believe in the ransom for what it is. Not as the "B"org has watered it down to become with stipulations of works, meetings, field service etc. You will know the truth and the truth TRULY will set you free. Not the 'trooth'. I truly feel sorry for those under the control of the Watchtower. I have not gone to another church. I still go from time to time. If you are not under the mind control, you are free to listen. There is so much drivel that I usually try to plan my attendance around information that is good for me, IE talks etc on Christian character. I do this mainly because I mean to do it on my own but it never happens. If I misjudge the content of the talk, I use the time to read my Bible.
As I sit here, I realize how this has exhausted me to tell. Having been one who 'did it all' you can see a deficiency in those who are on this board who didn't. The guilt either still reigns in their life, or they have so much anger over the years of it controlling them they can't see straight. My advice is, life your life with honor with respect for others. Seek to help wherever you can. I'm going to lie down..........
